Heart of an Idiot…

Well I have grown to realise that only idiots are supposed to have heart touched by everything. Practical, smart and successful people dont carry their heart on their sleeves. First time I realised I am actually an Idiot by heart ..was when one of my school friend(4th standard) fooled me for some fitcitious garden in her house. I actually believed she did have one.. But once i visited her house , it turned out she was telling her weired fantasies to me .. Poor and idiot me.. believed her..

I allow people to mutilate and severely damage my heart again and again and again.. and you know what at the end I still convince myself to forgive them.. This nice gal syndrome is actually taking its toll on me now.. I am growing to feel drained and fooled and idiotic.

But for some reason I am stuck to this self. Because I dont know any other way. I am like this only.. Made of clay , ready to melt at any rain of affection from my dear ones.. and a clay who can moulded N no of times and would still be intact.. till one day storm of death takes me away with it.. I have heared my own people scream at me, telling me.. You are so dumb, so foolish, so idiot.. and all I feel for them is.. How I managed to hurt them so bad..

Few Idiots feats of mine…

– I helped a very selfish girl in office. Whom whole office didnt help.. I stoody by her , helped her and later on hear her bitching about me .. And you know what I still dont hate her.. I am no god.. I am just idiot.

– I had stood by a so-called “thief” in my PG, she was cute lil teenage gal, who was studying in some college. Everybody except me claimed she steals things, money and everything else. Where there was a theft , people would suspect Mona.. Then there was this last call for her.. she was asked to leave hostel.. I was only shoulder which had to cry on.. Whole hostel told me ..I was fool to support a thief.. I still did.. I could never believe that gal that innocent can be thief.

– back to college I used to help each adn every ill gal in hostel. I was the only fool to rush them to doctors during exam. Once a gal in my batch had asthama attack.. and we were having very tough exam next day.. Even best of her friend forsook that gal.. But I chipped in.. and borrowed a scooter and took her to doc.. Big thing was I was driving scooter first time..

Everytime i recount these things.. I dont feel bad or good.. I just feel how other think I am idiot.. and how I feel that there is no other way i can behave..

Rock on..

One pleasent and positive change in my life..
I have taken out my painting studio and set it up in my patio. And guess what I have even started sketching landscape on it. Quite an achievment for someone like me.. I have been thinking and thinking and thinking of doing it. I will post the pictures once I am done. I can actually post it even in between stages. Will try one in this week.

I sent some 1-2 hours and my 3 months of thinking was in action. I guess action is more powerful than thinking. It gives more satisfaction and pleasure. Any one of you have any nice card ideas to paint ..please pass on. I want to paint Diwali cards this time myself and post it to everyone. Quite an ambition ..But I am like this only.. Stretching and extending my ownself each and every other breath. that gives me some kind of high.

I am also having one hell of idea about a book. I need to start jotting it down too..
Will pass on some excerpts once done..

HeadSpace and TV

Well those of you who are new to this word.. will have to forgive me.. I have picked it up from some celeb talk.
Still need to verify its correctness. But I liked the word. So I am using it.
I am always the last person for getting glued to TV. I hope none of my family is reading it 😉

My parents would vouch that I can be glued to TV for days. And my spouse would vouch that I have complete disdain for TV. So you can see how much split personality I can be. Well Over the period of time, I have lost apetite for idiot entertainment. You give me some good mental food. I will take it from anywhere. Newspaper, Internet , TV , Gossip, email… just about anywhere… Yesterday I was torturing myself through toooo–elaborate weather news.. I wonder why Americans are so obsessed for weather. I mean so much weather news .. I have never got this who really uses this info. I mean california has stable weather, Why would someone be so paranoid about it. Then whenever you switch news channels, I bet within 5 minute you would encounter a wether word.
Another thing I have grown up to like is celebrity dishing.. Yeah Those stupid E! channel stories.. I like them ..Not for following them.. But to know how much world is unfair.. Some dont have food to eat ..and some have everything to throw away. It helps to put things in perspective. It tells which zone I dont want my life to go in.

Here are some nice quotes about TV.. some are really hilarious.

– All television is educational television. The question is: what is it teaching? ~Nicholas Johnson

– I wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There’s a knob called “brightness,” but that doesn’t work. ~Author Unknown

– Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other. ~Ann Landers

– I find television to be very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go in the other room and read a book. ~Groucho Marx

– Television has changed a child from an irresistible force to an immovable object. ~Author Unknown

– If you came and you found a strange man… teaching your kids to punch each other, or trying to sell them all kinds of products, you’d kick him right out of the house, but here you are; you come in and the TV is on, and you don’t think twice about it. ~Jerome Singer

– Television is an invention that permits you to be entertained in your living room by people you wouldn’t have in your home. ~David Frost

– They say that ninety percent of TV is junk. But, ninety percent of everything is junk. ~Gene Roddenberry

– It’s the menace that everyone loves to hate but can’t seem to live without. ~Paddy Chayevsky

– Everything is for the eye these days – TV, Life, Look, the movies. Nothing is just for the mind. The next
generation will have eyeballs as big as cantaloupes and no brain at all. ~Fred Allen

– TV. If kids are entertained by two letters, imagine the fun they’ll have with twenty-six. Open your child’s imagination. Open a book. ~Author Unknown

– Television: chewing gum for the eyes. ~Frank Lloyd Wright

– Television has done much for psychiatry by spreading information about it, as well as contributing to the need for it. ~Alfred Hitchcock

– If it weren’t for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn’t get any exercise at all. ~Joey Adams

– The smallest bookstore still contains more ideas of worth than have been presented in the entire history of television. ~Andrew Ross

– Theatre is life. Cinema is art. Television is furniture. ~Author Unknown

– Do you realize if it weren’t for Edison we’d be watching TV by candlelight? ~Al Boliska

– The triumph of machine over people. ~Fred Allen, about television

You Are 40% Boyish and 60% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle – a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don’t actively fight them. You’re just you. You don’t try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

A day with Nothing

Well very bad of me.. to have abandoned my blog.. I really love blogging. But off late.. not many random thoughts coming to my mind. So my blog was bereft of posts. I can just not write for heck of writing.. Something really need to ring in my head.

Met few interesting aspects of life. One great thing which had always amazed me is… concept of nothing ness… We are nothing without someone, something or somewhere. We all have some such fears in our hearts. Its very easy to say… Conquer your fears and you will be man..(I mean woman.. or whatever) We all have fear and we will always have some. If we could become fearless than that would be state of perfect harmony and stillth in nature. Isnt nature continuously working on something? So I have realized much early in my life, I will live with some fears. Maybe because some I have chosen and some I got. Some fears make me better person and some make me less bad person 😉 it works both ways..
Coming back to nothing ness.. When was last time you spent a day with nothing in your hand. With Nothing in your mind. With nothing to do.. I bet you do it once a month.. You will be different person next day. We become such a slave of our civilized inventions that we stop wondering over things we should be living about.

Okk to write some of the “not-so-nothing” things I did on my vacation..I wish i could just take one day and do nothing..

– Where are we going.. Thats so and so is so this and that..
– The next car looks good but can we afford it..
– Why dont buy a house than renting…
– Oh god.. who will cook lunch..
– Who will do groceries..
– Did you iron the clothes..
– I dont have any good jeans..
– got to get car cleaned…
– blah blah blah

If I read it now.. It looks “so-nothing” to me.. Means all useless , repetitive work, not adding any value to quality of my being.
I wish the list was something like this…

– Read that nice book
– painted that canvas
– Played that game
– learnt that musical instruments
– had that long walk
– made that artwork
– visited that museum
……on and on and on…..