Just write something …


Heart of an Idiot…

Posted in Chit-Chat by dearestfriend on September 20, 2007

Well I have grown to realise that only idiots are supposed to have heart touched by everything. Practical, smart and successful people dont carry their heart on their sleeves. First time I realised I am actually an Idiot by heart ..was when one of my school friend(4th standard) fooled me for some fitcitious garden in her house. I actually believed she did have one.. But once i visited her house , it turned out she was telling her weired fantasies to me .. Poor and idiot me.. believed her..

I allow people to mutilate and severely damage my heart again and again and again.. and you know what at the end I still convince myself to forgive them.. This nice gal syndrome is actually taking its toll on me now.. I am growing to feel drained and fooled and idiotic.

But for some reason I am stuck to this self. Because I dont know any other way. I am like this only.. Made of clay , ready to melt at any rain of affection from my dear ones.. and a clay who can moulded N no of times and would still be intact.. till one day storm of death takes me away with it.. I have heared my own people scream at me, telling me.. You are so dumb, so foolish, so idiot.. and all I feel for them is.. How I managed to hurt them so bad..

Few Idiots feats of mine…

– I helped a very selfish girl in office. Whom whole office didnt help.. I stoody by her , helped her and later on hear her bitching about me .. And you know what I still dont hate her.. I am no god.. I am just idiot.

– I had stood by a so-called “thief” in my PG, she was cute lil teenage gal, who was studying in some college. Everybody except me claimed she steals things, money and everything else. Where there was a theft , people would suspect Mona.. Then there was this last call for her.. she was asked to leave hostel.. I was only shoulder which had to cry on.. Whole hostel told me ..I was fool to support a thief.. I still did.. I could never believe that gal that innocent can be thief.

– back to college I used to help each adn every ill gal in hostel. I was the only fool to rush them to doctors during exam. Once a gal in my batch had asthama attack.. and we were having very tough exam next day.. Even best of her friend forsook that gal.. But I chipped in.. and borrowed a scooter and took her to doc.. Big thing was I was driving scooter first time..

Everytime i recount these things.. I dont feel bad or good.. I just feel how other think I am idiot.. and how I feel that there is no other way i can behave..

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