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Funny Quotes

Posted in Smile and Giggles by dearestfriend on June 24, 2009

—————- Enjoy some funny quotes

Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.

Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn’t find anyone to copy it from.

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Lily Tomlin

“Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.” – Joey Adams

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity. – Albert Einstein

Everyone has photographic memory; some just don’t have the film.

There are three sides of an arguement — your side, my side and the right side.

“One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.” -George W. Bush

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

The road to success is always under construction.

Car service: If it ain’t broke, we’ll break it.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher. – Socrates

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

Courtsey :
http://www.coolfunnyquotes.com/funnyquotes2.shtml

When my professor fell off :-)

Posted in Chit-Chat,Smile and Giggles by dearestfriend on March 27, 2007

I know I should not be joking about it..
But you know someday it happens, You want to recollect funny incidents in your life. So yet another funny memory. I would love if you want to pen down any of you funny memories too..
I was going to late afternoon boring engineering lab session. We were 3 of us chatting our way from hostel to lab..We saw our most irritating Lady Professor just drive by on her famous scooter πŸ™‚
She was irritating person, who would irritate us twice. Once in classes, second as a hostel warden. I think she is most non-dynamic person I ever saw in engineering stream. She was going towards a cross section in college campus, From other end our another Professor was coming ( this professor was to take our lab session). They both collided and the scene was so funny that our Lady Professor rolled over our other young professor and his friend sitting on back seat of bike. I was so over amused that I laughed my stomach out.. And my other friend was laughing too. But somehow lab professor seems to only have noticed me. As a penalty, he did bug me for whole of the semester and during my exam lab, in viva session. These were conversations:
Prof: Yes, So you seem to be quite a topper in your class. So what do you know about survey engineering?
Me : Little bit , sufficient enough to pass though third semester

Prof : Hmmm, By the way have you learnt Sanskrit?
Me: (amused on thought maybe he thinks my pronunciation is too good) Yes, indeed I have read personally too.

Prof : good.. So I hope you have also read, “Vinay vidwanasya abhushanam asti”
Me : Yes I have.

Prof : What does it mean?
Me: It means learned people should be polite and respectable to others.

Prof: Wonderful, So you know it. Good. So now That I know that you know it. And I also know that other day you laughed real loud at me. How many marks do you think I should give you out of 25?
Me : (Firstly I am surprised that out of 3 months since the incident , he still seems to have imprinted it in his mind) I said, As much as a person of my caliber should get.

Prof: Hmm..So what s your caliber? You have the ability to laugh loudest out of 200 meters range from lab on your professor.
Me: (by Now, I had realized he s ragging me hard) See Sir, you have liberty to do as you think right. Frankly speaking If you were in my place and you had kind of personality I have. You would laugh out loud and still be respectful for the people involved in it. The whole humor was not becos you were there.. it was bcos of awkwardness of madam rolling over. But I must say sorry for it, as it’s not appropriate.

Prof: Ok, I think you may go now
Me: Thanks Sir.

While I was coming out of the lab, I thought I would flunk this lab session. But surprisingly he did give some 23 out of 25. So He was n’t all that unfair too..

Something about humour

Posted in Smile and Giggles by dearestfriend on March 26, 2007

I must say I got compelled by my desire to laugh out loud.. Sometimes I have those freaky days when all I do is laugh in front of mirror. πŸ™‚ And I tell you its best way to take off the extra baggage in mind.. Just laugh and Dance in front of mirror πŸ™‚
And imagine life is as good as you want it to be.

Here are some quotes I could find a bit funny..I like all of them but some more than others (check out the best ones 8–the best, 1,3,11—Just too good )

22. Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he isn’t. A sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is. –Horace Walpole English novelist

21. Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility. –James Thurber

20. A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs, jolted by every pebble in the road. –Henry Ward Beecher

19. If you can look into the mirror without laughter, you have no sense of humor. –Unknown

18. A priest, a minister and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender says…What is this, a joke?
–Unknown

17. You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything – even poverty – you can survive it. –Bill Cosby

16. Behind every successful woman…is a substantial amount of coffee. –Stephanie Piro

15. Behind every successful woman…is a basket of dirty laundry. –Sally Poe

14. Ugliness is better than beauty. It lasts longer and in the end, gravity will get us all.
— Johnny Depp

13. How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn’t make it a leg – Abraham Lincoln

12. Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. – Maryon Pearson

11. What you call dog with no legs? Don’t matter what you call him, he ain’t gonna come.

10. When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity. – Albert Einstein

9. Everyone needs believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.

8. Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back. – Al Bundy

7. If the minimum wasn’t acceptable it wouldn’t be called the minimum. –George Muncaster (Air Force Wisdom)

6. A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain. – Robert Frost

5. Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat. – Jim Davis

4. It is easier to fight for principles than to live up to them. Alfred Adler

3. I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. Winston Churchill

2. Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. Oscar Wilde

1. The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem, it is generally employed only by small children and large nations. David Friedman